At first I thought I was an intercom malfunction. But then I realized that the gate agent was actually "gobbling" after every announcement. "... final boarding call for United 197 to Los Angeles. All passengers please proceed to gate D20 immediately. Gobble, gobble, gobble!" At the gate, people were crowded around the window. So I had to go have a look-see. Was it a movie star? A politician? Jessica Simpson? No... my powers of deduction told me something curious was afoot! The gobbling gate agent... the crowd of curious customers... it must be Turkey One.

You see, all this hub-bub was about two turkeys who, just hours prior, had been spared by El Presidente. Now, these lucky foul were being transported in first class aboard a United 757 (with the call sign "Turkey 1") across the country to Disneyland. There they would join in the Thanksgiving festivities before living out the rest of their happy, oblivious lives.

And so began my trip to see family for Thanksgiving.

Now that I reside on the East Coast the rest of the United States is farther away, and confirmable upgrades have become worth their weight in gold! With so much of their A320 fleet now descecrated to "Ted", United has deployed an army of smaller A319's (with only 8 first class seats) to handle transcon routes between its hub at Washington Dulles and the West coast.

So, here I sit in 6C behind the divider to first class munching on pretzels. I've learned the hard way that if you want a seat in first, either buy one (a "bargain" at $1,500 for a Q-UP fare) or attempt to confirm your upgrade more than two months in advance. Even though I booked this ticket in September and attempted to use my confirmed upgrades to land a coveted First class seat, my name has sat on the waitlist for all that time.

Enough moaning and complaining! Back to the pretzels.