There are over 3.5 million miles of highway in the United States, which, during the summer, are heaped with minivans and camper trailers filled with screaming kids and sometimes parents too. These families are engaged in what we call the "road trip" -- a seasonal American staple, like soy vanilla chais or Erma, that elderly greeter at Walmart.

Being American (mostly) and owning a car (almost) -- which is also an American staple -- every year I wiggle onto the interstates with my friends for trips to over-the-top destinations like Buena Vista, Colorado or Strawberry Point, Iowa -- home of the world's largest strawberry.

Actually, it's not a real strawberry (although it may have been once, they're not saying). The townfolk have mounted this red beast on a long, decorative stick where it floats over city hall. According to the official website, "visitors can stand beside the Largest Strawberry In The World and have a friend take their picture." Be sure to get there early. (I mention these details here in case you are planning a family roadtrip and have already been to see the world's largest ball of stamps in Boys Town, Nebraska.)

Besides eye-popping scenery, road trips also have their own brand of entertainment. Afterall, you can't play "moo cow" or "pididdle" from an airplane anymore without being arrested. And what would a roadtrip be without The Rest Stop? When your driver pulls in and beelines for the bathroom, the fun just begins. Inside these fascinating institutions, there are so many activities to pass the time. A few of my favorites:

• Try on a wide range of sunglasses dating from the Jacqueline Onasis era of fashion history


• Relish the smells by the vents of the sweaty hot dog tanning machine


• Watch people twist their bodies into bladder-squeezing contortions while waiting in line for the bathroom


• Peruse the world's largest selection of beef jerky

And all this can be had without the hassles of metal detectors, grouchy staff, and expensive parking (be sure not to park in that lot behind the strawberry). The problem with road trips being, of course, that no matter how far you drive and how many sweaty rest stop hot dogs you eat, you will never earn heaps of airline miles. (Unless, you own an H2 and use your MileagePlus VISA card to charge the $26.99 per gallon gasoline to fill the tank.)

But Erma's not complaining. I wonder if she's taken a picture with The Strawberry?