To be honest with you, I fly United for the perks they offer in exchange for my loyalty. The first class, the meals, the roomy EconomyPlus section, and the worldwide network. So when I heard they were launching "Ted" -- their answer to the low-cost carriers like Southwest, JetBlue and Frontier -- not only was I skeptical, but I was a little peeved too. Before long, Ted was popping up on all these popular routes from Phoenix to Las Vegas to Tampa. This meant I would have to spend more time devising ways around this evil scheme of theirs. (For example, if you fly non-stop from Chicago to Las Vegas, you'll get stuck on a Ted flight. But if you fly from Chicago to Las Vegas through, say, Los Angeles you can sit in business class on a 747 for the longest leg and only have to endure Ted for the quick 45-hop to Sin City.)

Leaving my personal soapbox for a second, let me say that Ted is a poor marketing decision too. United has spent over 75 years building a global brand known for the quality, breadth and depth of its service. With Ted, all that has been dashed. The "new" airline represents nothing in common with United proper: it's debased the sophisticated, cosmopolitan image; shed first class; lost meals... and gained what? Lemonade? I'm not sure how much harder they would have to try to alienate their best customers.

In any case, tonight is our first Ted flight. It's the last leg on our whirlwind mileage run, zig-zagging across the continent and racking up nearly 13,000 miles. (Not bad for fifty bucks, huh?) Usually row 3 on a United flight, where we're sitting, is my favorite bulkhead row. Now it's just an EconomyPlus row like any other. And it's almost comical how United is trying hard to be "fun" and "laid back" -- two words rarely associated with a Big Six airline. I'll be kind and give them a "B+" for effort but a whopping "C-" for success in this department. Like the decidedly un-hip safety video with wooden flight attendants admonishing passengers that "Ted recommends you stay buckled up while seated." And there's nothing freshy-freshy about the geriatric flight attendants who have to wear their glasses to adjust settings on the VCR either. Haha... nice try United, but leave "fun" and "laid back" to Southwest.

I guess it's everything I expected. Before long, I imagine Ted will be dominating not only popular vacation destinations but most of United's domestic routes. Unfortunately, the day that happens is the day I fly my dollars away to American or (gasp!) America West.

Editor's Note: This represents the opinion of John. I (Drew) personally am a big fan of America West. :)